Getting kinky with your partner can be a slow progression. Of course, asking your partner to try new things in bed can be awkward. It is up there with awkward things like calling your co-worker the wrong name for 3 years or a doctor asking “how did you get a flash light stuck up your ass?”. However, asking to try new kink with your partner doesn’t have to be awkward. Honestly, it wasn’t that difficult incorporating my boyfriend’s strange fetishes, thanks to the way he approached it.
When my boyfriend first brought up the subject of fetishes I wasn’t completely blindsided, because he mentioned some in passing before. There was never a huge reveal of “these are all the kinky things I’m into, lets try them all now”, it was a gradual build up. Truthfully, I hadn’t noticed how kinky they were until he asked me to send my dirty socks to him in the mail.
Generally, we have been quite open with each other about sex, likes and dislikes, turn-ons and turn-offs. For me, being sexually inexperienced probably helped my mindset on kinks, since I was open to trying new things. My personal mantra has always been, ‘don’t knock it until you’ve tried it’. Don’t get me wrong, some of the things required more convincing than others and often a firm ‘no’ was given before I looked into it. Without further ado, here are some tips for approaching the subject of fetishes with your other half.
Getting Kinky: 1. Opening the Conversation
First, start to talk with your partner about likes and dislikes in the bedroom. Opening up about small interests might start some cogs turning for them and all of a sudden you realise that you guys are both getting kinky already! Ideally, that is all that is necessary! For some, it takes their partner time to get their head around it. Either way, if your partner is the right person for you, then they may love that you are open with them about your most intimate interests.
Getting Kinky: 2. Give Them Time
For some, this could be a hard thing to accept. Suddenly discovering that your partner has a kinky side may take some getting used to. If you’re lucky, they might think it’s amazing and be all for it. Unfortunately, others might be more reserved. If the reaction is the latter, don’t push the idea, let them come to terms with it and leave it alone. Eventually, they’ll bring it up again.
3. Start Off Light
Don’t go straight in with the heavy things. For example, my boyfriend brought up things so gradually that nothing seemed too weird. Going from more specific dirty talk, to foot massages to full on dirty sock sniffing while jerking off onto my feet. Something not as challenging may be the start of years of sexual exploration. Starting slow is a good thing. Remember, this is a whole new topic to your partner. In short, Slow and steady wins this race.
4. Ask Them to Do Some Research
Initially, while getting into kinks and fetishes deeper I found myself saying “no” often. Sadly, I could see this was upsetting him. So, one thing that helped me to understand my boyfriend’s kinks was doing my own research. Trawling the internet for female perspectives on specific fetishes helped me understand where I fit in. In reality, researching the fetishes has helped me to be more open minded.
5. Don’t Pressure Them
Finally, don’t worry If your partner hasn’t brought up anything about your fetish as they might still be processing. Don’t put too much pressure on them by asking repeatedly if they have researched/made a decision as this could completely put them off. Surely, you could give them a gentle reminder every now and again, but try to avoid asking too much. Seriously, I am a stubborn mule and when he askes too many times, I refuse entirely. As you would expect, my boyfriend has learned to not ask repeatedly (unless he wants some punishment!).
Lastly, it is important that you express that your fetishes are not all about you. Yes, some fetishes may be more focussed on one partner or the other, but it can be fun for both! For example, there are many ways that both partners can enjoy themselves with feet fetishes. Maybe she needs a pedicure or foot massage? There are aspects of most fetishes that are enjoyable for everyone. Fetishes are about being open with your partner and having fun– make sure your partner understands that. Happy humping (or sniffing or chastity-ing or whatever)!
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